November 18th, 2004

Subject: working backwards... Time: 08:38 pm

finally got the internet and a phone but i have to go all the way down into the basement to use both.  going to Maine Saturday after all state.  what a mess.

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August 23rd, 2004

Current Music: love "always" by blink 182 Subject: all the time in the world Time: 02:47 pm Current Mood: ecstatic

wow. haven't posted in forever. so busy. need to clear out of my house by wednesday because we'll be getting kicked out by friday- the other couple is planning to move in on friday. whoa. just finished reading King Oedipus and Hamlet. two down. three more to go. i've been watching the olympics and i absolutely LOVE swimming. i'm so obsessed it's crazy and now i want to learn how to swim the real way. haha. i loved the last mens relay...those guys are amazing and i love that they were so pumped and excited about it. i also cracked up when one of them asked the person interviewing him, "Do you know how sick this relay is going to be?" haha. i also love michael phelps. amazing. i wish he could teach me how to swim. haha.

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August 9th, 2004

Current Music: "don't you forget about me" -simple minds (breakfast club) Subject: take the glory for yourself Time: 10:46 pm Current Mood: melancholy

i never imagined it all to take me so far away from home. a little bit of everything found its way into my system and i don't think it'll ever leave.

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August 6th, 2004

Current Music: i don't have headphones tonight... :( Time: 10:11 pm Current Mood: confused

lol i read what i wrote yesterday. wow. i'm better now. hahah. watched bits and pieces of miss teen usa. i can't decide whether or not i hate that they are parading themselves around in skin-tight clothing to see who's the prettiest, or if i envy them because they CAN do that. but i do know that a.) almost all of them look like they're in their early to mid 20s. b.) there are no asians representin. miss hawaii doesn't count. i'm talking about the slanted eyes kind of asian. where's the chinese? taiwanese? koreans? japanese? c.) i've seen enough blondes in the miss teen usa pageant to last me a lifetime. still don't know if i hate them for doing the pageant, or envy them because they're Barbie enough to do it. p.s: where the butches at? i wanna see a jokester up there who does a hearty 'thumbs up' when the camera shines on her, or laughs and snorts, or belches or farts on camera or something. i'd have so much admiration for her, it'd be unreal.

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August 4th, 2004

Current Music: "sparks" - coldplay Subject: and the color gray still looked good in the summer. Time: 11:09 pm Current Mood: discontent

sold a puppy today...my mom was heartbroken when the couple chose the puppy and drove off with it after paying. *sigh* it was the chubbiest puppy we had. :( I miss it and it's tub of lard. what a cute fat puppy. *sigh* i've been so incredibly busy with the house. it's so weird. the schedule doesn't change...leave house early in morning, run errands or stay at the house...work on it, come home prepare to go out to either summer band or home depot to pick up more house materials. by the time i have any free time, it's 11 pm at night so i sign on but i haven't been online in the longest time. i have been so incredibly anti-social, it's unbelievable. i haven't started any summer work for school or my science fair project and it kills me everyday to see it sitting htere and knowing that school starts in less than a month. MOFO. this summer flew by like no other and i'm so upset, but then i'm kind of happy about senior year starting soon. at this point, i don't even care about my science fair you know why? i don't have much time as of now...so it's either: science fair, summer reading, or college stuff. yeeeaaahh...1.) college stuff 2) summer reading and somewhere down the line the science fair will come up because that's such a little detail among the bigger more important things i need to worry about. summer reading doesn't even mean much to me right now either, but whatever. my sister has created a list of colleges she thinks i should apply to. the list? hahah. i had nothign to do with it, other than URI. - Tufts - Stanford - Yale -Brown - Amherst - Cornell - UPenn - Duke - UCLA - UCIrvine - URI yeah, sure. i wanted to put Pasadena city college but my siblings are trying ot dissuade me from doing so. la casa nueva? it's coming along. all marble done, the hard wood done, the plumbing working, the electricity working, the doors, the everything actually. (oh yes, sweet sweet AC haha...central air. thank you lol.) none of the carpenters have been coming because they're pretty much done (NOOOOOOOOOOO...lol. we all know why I'M unhappy. haha) electricians need to come back to finish the job and plumber to fix some minor details. almost there, folks. almost there. i've been thinking back to the past couple years folks and it's starting to get to me again even though i thought i was fine. blah. s.o.b.

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July 29th, 2004

Current Music: "only on the southside, girl..." Time: 11:18 pm Current Mood: flirty

i'm getting over it and i've found that the single life is fun and i'm starting to love it. BAM. i don't need a boyfriend and i'm not upset that i don't have one, anymore. whatev. being single is fun. there you go ladies.

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July 28th, 2004

Current Music: i wanna hear "slow motion" hahaha Time: 10:52 pm Current Mood: flirty

listening to maroon 5..."this love"...good song good song. wishing i was kirstin dunst...lol and wishing i was but a few years older. LOL hahahah Nadia and Tori probably knows...lol. let's see...SHS tomorrow 9 am. sound good? then join. help sort music and neves will treat us to lunch. sounds good, eh? eh. i'm starting to like summer band a lot more....AAH HAHAHAHA. oh silly me. silly silly me. look at my freshman picture and compare it to me now...what a difference. what a difference. i love it. new house is coming along quite nicely...can't wait and when it's done...party! lol but i'll probably spend the time unpacking hahaha. careful...it's marble so we'll probably partying with five layers of socks on and avoiding drinking any liquids on the first floor and avoid eating anywhere other than the kitchen sink or deck. hahahahah.

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July 24th, 2004

Current Music: blah blah blah? Time: 08:50 pm Current Mood: wishful

i saw spiderman 2 yesterday with the dad, older brother and younger brother. spiderman 2 was amazing...loved it, want to be spiderman a lot, wish i was kirstin dunst, and ohhhhh boy. i love tobey maguire.

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July 22nd, 2004

Current Music: "seemed so long ago since you walked away..." Time: 12:20 am Current Mood: nostalgic

it's not over. that's for sure. it's not over and i'm not sure when it will.

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July 21st, 2004

Current Music: "i'll show you love like you've never seen.." Time: 12:47 am Current Mood: uncomfortable

it's all so different now. with a few exceptions, everything in my life feels so different. the one thing i'm looking forward to in the future? ... having a family. i can't wait.

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Current Music: "i did it all to fit the pieces of the puzzle..." Subject: the fountain of youth will never be found Time: 12:27 am Current Mood: disappointed

more work on house, haven't seen the cute guy working, older siblings coming home this week and next week, school approaching soon. i've given it thought and i'm mad at something that i shouldn't even care about. well go figure.

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July 19th, 2004

Current Music: "everything means nothing if i aint got you..." Time: 10:35 pm Current Mood: pensive

how can it possibly hurt even now? every little thing i see i'm reminded by every little thing and although i deny it...there's still something eating away inside. strange how the little things never change. "some people want it all, but i don't want nothing at all, feeling you baby, like i do baby... some people want diamond rings, some just want everything, but everything means nothing, if i aint got you..."

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Current Music: "if i could turn back the hands of time" - r. kelly Time: 09:02 pm Current Mood: thirsty

finding ways to avoid the cannibalism that surrounds me. ranted to james g. about some things that are making me mad and it felt slightly better. i told tori something i've noticed about a kid in summer band that's REALLY not what i need because it's not the slightest bit funny. i don't look, but it's hard...how can i turn away then i find that i'm probably scaring that poor kid by staring at him so much. ps. i also think that kid Mike who's sitting in in band is pretty cute and nice. w00t. wait, but what is it with the older guys lately?? haha "If I could turn, turn back the hands of time Then my darlin' you'd still be mine If I could turn, turn back the hands of time Then my darlin' you'd still be mine Funny, funny how time goes by And blessings are missed in the wink of an eye Why oh why oh why should one have to go on suffering When every day I pread please come back to me"

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July 18th, 2004

Current Music: Meditation from Thais...maybe i'll play it one day... Time: 09:45 pm Current Mood: peculiar

while you read this, pop in the recording of "Peter and the Wolf- Main Theme" haha...it makes things really interesting. dreamt that i was running away from someone/situation and started taking these pills that would turn me into a larger creature like the stuffed animal i had in my dream. it was a cross between a happy giraffe and a brontasaurus. after taking it, it would take an hour and then i would change so i'd find a quiet place away from everyone in the woods and sleep until i change. near the end, i got this sophomore, Natalie into the stuff along with someone else and we all were running from someone in the winter snow and i remember running down steps of a building with the slushy snow around us and they were complaining about how bad these pills were getting us and how things were really changing and how they were now doing lots of other drugs and their life was falling apart. I was in complete denial as i ran down the stairs eager and happy and i denied that the pills were bad and ran into the woods to take some more. near the end of my dream, things started to get bad and while i was taking the pills, anything that anyone said would immediately form into sentences and were in front of my eyes and all i would see would be the words that people would say to me, except they were all messed up. the sentences didn't make sense, the words would be a mess where some were crooked, some looked like they were going to fall out of my sight, some were different colors and they didn't make sense. at this point, i was saying to myself, "crap...this stuff is really screwing me up..." mocha iced lattes with whipped cream. experience the good times while the stars stop fading and the lights dim low.

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July 16th, 2004

Current Music: "If I aint got you" alicia keyes Subject: a great memory Time: 10:07 pm Current Mood: nostalgic

still haven't forgotten anything. it's all up here and i'm starting to wish that i could forget. wow, i would never have expected it to be like this.

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Current Music: "slow motion for me, move it slow motion for meh" Subject: short and quick -BAM Time: 09:51 pm Current Mood: amused

worked on new house, went to home depot. high light of the day: went to buy Del's Lemonade from a truck at home depot. the kid was my age maybe a little older just about to eat when he sees me. what does he say? "can I eat you?" hahaha. my response? "HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA." Then I proceeded to buy lemonade as he continued to joke about how he'd have to charge me more, etc because he was just about to eat. Once again; my response? "Yeah, well too bad." haha, I've discovered over the summer, my social skills have dissapated. Probably because talking to animals isn't the same. Hm.

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July 15th, 2004

Current Music: really want to hear "she will be loved" by maroon 5 Subject: so i hear it's not so wrong. Time: 10:30 pm Current Mood: indifferent

nothing much really. need folks to help me sort music on july 22nd, 8:30 or 9:30 am. you get free lunch afterwards and we all know how good free food is. it's like newport creamery/gentlemen farmers kind of food, too. more work on the house...need to go back tomorrow to help sand down the putty on the window cases. i honestly don't mind though because there's a cute guy that sometiems comes to help with the house. a shame that he's 27. lol, whatever, it just makes things fun. lol. hahaha, and for those who are like, "WTF?" hahah don't worry, i'm not going to do anything, it's just one of those things where he's just not bad to look at. hahah. he's also wicked nice to my mom, too. in the winter time while they were building the house, he'd hold my mom's arm and guide her closer to the house so she wouldn't fall and my mom would always tell him to hurry back to work or else he'd get yelled at. of course my mom also tells him stories about my younger brother and me when we were younger and everything. hahah. alright.

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July 12th, 2004

Current Music: "We on fire up in here..." Subject: something creepy is going on and it's all true... Time: 11:54 pm Current Mood: curious

OK. Here's what happened am I'm telling the truth 100%. Alright, well me, Dad, Mom, and Eric all leave the house in the morning and go to the new land down the street to clear the woods. We come back later in the evening and find lots of toilet paper that has lots of bright red blood on it and Q-Tips tipped with blood, and pee in the shower. UH. Alright. Oddly enough...maybe someone in the family bled and needed stuff and the dog peed in the shower? WEELL...my Mom admits that she thought my brother and I bled so she thought all the paper and Q-Tips in the garbage was from US...and Dad later tells us that it wasn't him, either and besides, he NEVER uses Q-Tips to clean up cuts. OOOOOOOOkay. So, what happened? WE can't figure out and it's we're freaking out. Maybe someone came into the house? Or is it just a coincidence that... we recently found out that our house (A two-story cape which includes kitchen-living room-dining room and bathroom downstairs and two bedrooms-large cedar closet and bathroom and crawl space upstairs. Connected to the two-story cape is a one story addition composed of three bedrooms and the hallway that I told you about in the last entry; the one that I always run down to get from my room to the kitchen). WEEEEELLL. For the past 8 years, we believed that the two-story cape was the original and the addition was from recently. BUUUUT we found out from the people who inspected our house that the one story addition was actually NOT an addition and was actually the original part of the house and the two-story cape was the addition. The cape was made in the 1950s and the inspectors believe that the one-story addition was from 1920s maybe older. They know this because there is a small crawl space underneath the one story "addition" that's separated from the basement by a concrete wall, they crawled in and found that the wood used for the floor was very old and typical of an older house. The two-story cape has some kind of pine wood flooring that they didn't have before 1950s. SOOOOO...what's weird is that we have been told that the two-story cape was the original. The second is that my parents used to tell me not to be afraid when I complained that I was scared and I'd run down the hallways and my mom told me that the only person that lived in this house was a happy family of the older gentleman that sold us the house. Now, my mom told me today in the car that actually...there was another person who lived in this house before the seller of the house from the 1900s. and now my parents are all worried aobut me and won't let me go downstairs and go to the crawl space. It might also be that I told my mom that when I looked through a tiny window from the basement into the crawl space, that I thought I saw something that looked like a man sitting down near the vents leading outside-right beneath my bedroom window. Now my parents have been getting really upset with me and won't let me go into the crawl space. Maybe that explains why I always run through the hallway so fast. I don't run that fast anywhere else in the house but in that hallway, I always feel really uncomfortable as if someone will come out of one of the bedrooms to my side. Of course a lot of the stuff was redone in the rooms but it's still weird. The hallway goes down two steps and is kind of narrow and has two bedrooms across from one another and a bedroom at the end of the hallway. Now after hearing all the tsuff, I've been wondering about all the weird stuff that's happened. When I first moved here, I was sleeping with my mom and dad because I was sick or something and I woke up in the middle of the night and told my mom that I could hear a woman and man yelling at each other and that they were really loud. My mom told me to go back to sleep. But I bet it was because I had a fever. Second, I had a dream once where it was a dreary-gray day and when I walked out to the kitchen, right over the sink, I opened the window blinds and when I did, there was a woman with black hair and a green old-looking dress staring back at me. In the dream, I was freaking out so I was trying to escape her by looking through other windows but it didn't matter because no matter how fast I would run across the house to open the window, she was staring at me; right up to the window, or from a few feet away, she was always there. Then, I go to my brother's room and swing the blinds open and there's the woman, except, she's standing there next to one big brown cow with a large white spot on it and the rest of the cows in the lawn are dead. She woman is standing right next to the cow and I realize the cow has an "x" on the white spot of it. Creepy dream, but I woke up and was like "WTF." Made me think twice before opening the windows. That's all I can think of right now. Mystery? I think so. Now I NEED to find out who lived here before the seller of this house and find out if he intended to tell us wrong information about the house. Hmm. Now funny story. I go to Walmart to pick up dog food for puppies and adult dogs. Well each bag is 50 lbs. There's a guy moving the dog food around (he's kind of young) I walk up to the first bag of dogfood and I just lift it up with ease and walk about five feet away to my mom's cart and place it in. I then walk over to the other dog food and I just pick it up with ease and walk and place it in the cart. My mom CRACKS up...you know why? She told me that when I had grabbed that first bag, the kid who was working, just suddenly stops working and just stands up and stares at me. Just stares at me and continues to with shock as I carry the second bag. When I place the last bag of dogfood in the cart, I turned and I saw him still staring at me. LOL. Not everyday you find a little asian girl who can carry 50 lb bags with ease so fast. lol. Got to love it.

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July 9th, 2004

Current Music: absolutamente nada Subject: tori will be ever so proud of me Time: 12:09 am Current Mood: tired

So Tori, you know how you used to tell me about how you would "edit" your buddy list? Well I now have, too...for the first time since I don't know when. Ahhh...no buddy alerts, more room in the list, and no need to wonder. How refreshing.

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July 6th, 2004

Current Music: "She Will be loved"(?) by maroon 5...i LOVE that song Subject: i once had a dream and it went a little like this... Time: 01:43 am Current Mood: playful and teasing

i had a dream recently that i was 6 months pregnant and gave birth to a premature baby that was ill and i had to go back to the hospital so they could figure out what was wrong with me. it was the craziest feeling of anxiety and fear over giving birth and i remember being sooo scared because it was going to hurt. i also remember coming back to school after i gave birth and everyone was like "congratulations! how are you feeling?" it was interesting, to say the least. ow. I got a sunburn on my back.

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